Meet Herbert. Up until about twenty minutes ago, Herbert was apparently living in my room. I noticed Herbert’s friends in the kitchen earlier and freaked out a bit because, like Herbert, they are huge fucking spiders the size of Jupiter obviously out to kill me in my sleep. I left Herbert’s friends alone. But then I went to draw my curtains to take a nap, and Herbert made an appearance at the top of the curtains and scared the shit out of me. After some moments of panicking and talking to Herbert and convincing myself that I was a strong woman who could DO THIS, I grabbed some crappy tupperware from the kitchen, cautiously scraped Herbert into the container, and sealed it shut. After more panic and, obviously, photos, I decided to march Herbert to the housing office and demand something be done.

The man there stared at me like I was crazy. I was semi-drenched from the rain and holding tupperware containing one giant spider, demanding he bring in exterminators immediately lest I return from the Canary Islands to find a room full of giant spiders. He was luckily sympathetic, and took Herbert from me and contacted the office that deals with exterminators. As he ominously said, “He’ll probably be dead by the time they get here.” And I said, “Yes, but at least they’ll know what they’re dealing with.” And I stepped back into the rainy night, never to be heard from again. (Not really.)

I would take a nap, but honestly sitting wide awake and terrified that giant spiders are lurking everywhere is so much better.

— Lauren